How to Evaluate Yourself & Situation without Self-Judgment
You may be wondering how you can assess your progress without reengaging (superego, inner critic): When you want to know how you have done, it’s easy to fall back into the old belief that the judge is best equipped to assess you. What other inner resources do you have to turn to for accurate feedback? Answering this question requires distinguishing self-evaluation from self-judgment.
Let’s look at self-judgment: How do you end up feeling when you consult with the judge? You either feel good about yourself or bad about yourself. Instead of asking the judge its opinion, a more helpful question to ask yourself is: “Do I feel more open to the truth of my situation?” Remember: A judgment is a statement of evaluation that implies an assessment of your value or worth and is felt as a rejection of your present state. What else can you get from the judge except more judgment?
What you are looking for is help in knowing whether the disengagement worked and how it could work better, not an assessment of your worth or value. This means keeping the sense of your personal value separate from the evaluation of your functioning. This the judge cannot do because it believes your value is always conditional. Furthermore, it is not interested in the truth.
To evaluate your progress objectively, you must wean yourself from the judge by learning to draw on your own direct experience. What did you feel after disengaging? How did that feel in relation to how you felt before? Did the disengagement work for you? To answer these questions without activating self-judgment is not easy. For instance, one of the most common responses to such questions is “I don’t know.” This is a perfectly appropriate response. If you have been depending on your judge to evaluate your performance, your feelings, and your learning, to wean yourself will require tolerating the unknown. You will need to gradually learn to rely on a source you have had difficulty trusting—your ability to discern truth in your own uncensored experience.